1/2 the Story and Badcat's Buzz

How embarrassing. She starts a blog, declares "salty balls" as the catch phrase for 2009 and then forgets to tell the end of the story.

Well the end of this story, which also happens to be the beginning, is that I quit. I decided that contrary to whatever security-minded voice told me that selling wheelchairs would be my thing, it in fact wasn't. I knew this for sure the day I shadowed another salesperson to the occupational therapy unit of our local hospital for people with spinal cord injuries in order to fit a patient for a new wheelchair.

I stood in the middle of the room, not sure where to sit down, what to do with myself and saw that I did not fit in. I was the only person in the room wearing high heels and makeup and felt about as appropriate as a clown in a morgue. How very frivolous to wonder if you're wearing the right shade of lip gloss as you drive to a place where the inhabitants are battling their own bodies for every hint of mobility they can coax and re-learn. A reminder to express gratitude for our lives and health and to appreciate the circumstances of others.

In any case, the story of my departure and safe landing in the perfect job is worthy of another post and my full attention. I will continue this thought. Sooner rather than later...like perhaps tomorrow night.

**a worthwhile digression**

I am about to close down my Mac and settle in to my pillows for the night when I tune in to a sound. Its a soft buzzing sound, the sound of a cat at peace with the world and sleeping on my legs. As I listen, I literally get a swell in my throat and decide that this, after a day of friends and laughter and relaxation, is the best part of my day. Just Badcat and I. I, anticipating my clean sheets and She, so content that her whole body hums. Life is simple and perfect if you let it be so.

How's the new job?

The question was...

How's the new job coming along? Are you running the show yet?

And my reply...

Hey!
The new job is not good. I am working in a HOVEL Maria! There aren't even any windows near me! The air conditioner - when its working - whines, no one sits near me, they have nothing for me to do and I just took my first sip of the staff coffee and nearly choked!!!!! I am so depressed and I totally did this to myself!

LUCKILY, I am doing Landmark and so I am going to get OUT of here! I am committed to the possibility of finding something that I am excited about, that makes me want to come to work in the morning and feel sucessful. It will involve lots of people, be close to where I live and there will be nice places to eat and get coffee close by. The offices/space will be bright and pleasant, but I will only be in the office part of the time because I will be out doing something I love the other half of the day.

I will be able to wear nice things to work, the bathroom won't look like something hideous exploded in it (and that's the women's washroom!) and eventually the tall, handsome, intelligent, powerfully-communicating single owner of the company will say to me: "I can't bear to keep looking across the room at you and not have you for myself! Even though you are a wildly successful XYZ and the company will not be the same if you leave, I need to ask you to run away with me (for a couple of months because obviously my input in the company is too integral for me to be gone longer) and live a life of almost embarrassing luxury and leisure!" I will reply modestly (but knowing he is right) that I will only run away with him and live in his huge castle in (Point Grey? no, too stuffy... West Van? no, to obvious...) the older beautiful Dunbar area if he promises that a) I can park in the garage, b) my name goes on the deed and finally c) we can have fabulous parties every weekend and be surrounded by all our best friends, like Oprah, Eva Longoria, Gregor Robertson, Michelle and Barack Obama and Johnny Depp.

oh, and we'll obviously have BEAUTIFUL babies (delivered by that hot blond doctor on, The Doctors) but you won't even be able to tell I've had kids because I'll work with Gwenyth Palthrow's personal trainer and have a butt that makes Jessica Biel jealous.

so, bad news...I think I hate my new job. Good news, I have a plan.

Enjoy the beautiful day (it could be snowing for all I know!),
Amber

Salty Balls

My fabulous friend Maria has been bugging me to blog for months now and I've just never jumped on board. Not that I feel I don't have anything to say...I am not immune to the appeal of a space where I can say absolutely anything - like "salty balls", for instance.

Not that I would ever say "salty balls" I think that's crass and my mother would not approve. But just to know that if "salty balls" felt like the only words I wanted to type that day, or that that was the only phrase appropriate to express how I was feeling, then heck, salty balls!

I've decided not to recap my life up to this point - is that even what a new blogger does? - but instead to jump right in and start my thinking...and typing.

My day so far...got to work 10 minutes early (second day at my new job) tomorrow, no doubt will be different. Arranged myself comfortably in the dark, lonely hovel that is now my home and struck up a meaningful, if sporadic conversation with a fly that resides in the area. Made a mental note to never be tempted by the coffee in the staff room again. Checked for new emails. None. Resisted Facebook for 22 minutes. Succumbed. Took a disheartening call from a distraught friend and reminded myself again not to move to Kitimat. Work arrived! A spreadsheet all my own, whatever colours I choose - yes! Added columns, increased cell heights. Rearranged headings. Checked the clock. 10:23, oh my god, really?

Decided now is a good time to start a blog. Deliberated over a name for 3 minutes. Checked the clock. 10:37, hmmm. Went on Craigslist to find a new job, decided that even this is better than kiosk sales for Telus so browsed the lost and found instead. Darn, I'd hate to lose my cell phone at Spanish Banks, hope you find it. Not gonna lie, if I did find that puppy near the Gilmore Skytrain, I probably would not want to give it back. Checked the clock. 11:55 and the fly has committed suicide in my coffee.

Tomorrow, as they say, is another day and I cling to the fact that tonight is the second seminar in my Landmark Forum in Action Series. I will be surrounded by my people and they will remind me that the only meaning that exists in the world is the meaning I give it, and I have the power to change my circumstances. Once I take my self-censoring filters and my past out of my future nothing exists there except the possibilities I create and I'm thinkin' I've got to redefine my possibilities!

Cheers to possibilities. And heck, cheers to salty balls.

Amber